Introductory note:

This article I have written is only a small endeavour to try to reflect and share a tiny fraction of my own knowledge, beliefs, humble opinions and experiences of life. It is not intended to try to reveal or impose any forms of "supreme truths" to answer the questions people have regarding life in general.

I share these thoughts, views, beliefs and feelings of mine, as a way to promote a debate and especially to inspire and encourage people to go explore in a quest for a never-ending search designed for the purpose as to achieve an enrichment and growth to enhance knowledge and spiritual developments. This as a way to provide sufficient wisdom for a sunlight of hope to emerge from the cloudiness and uncertainty of everyone's journey and odyssey in this life. Thus providing the indispensable spiritual and emotional tools to prevail over all adversities in life, tools such as wisdom, moral integrity and hope, that we require in order to improve ourselves, and the world.

Prologue:

We all make mistakes, after all, to err is Human. But one of the main issues here, is that while some mistakes are smaller, others are just too big and horrifying to describe, most especially speaking in the spiritual and emotional realm. However, in order for us (and others) to manage to surpass the negative and destructive emotions of such mistakes we give and/or receive, from other people or even ourselves, we need to follow a certain "stratagem" and methods of living in our life.

Do some people deserve to be forgiven?

Some times we may ask ourselves, if those people who have hurt us so much deserve to be forgiven. For that to be answered it depends sonly on us, by doing a deep inner exploration on our emotions and essentially on our interior "System of Beliefs", so it may give us the answer(s) we search for.

I will state that, for most of all the possible and numerous situations, the answer is yes, we can and should forgive others, given that for most of those problems and attritions that happens between two or more people, predominantly are based on misunderstandings, or also caused by other factors such as too much pride, fear, and/or other forms of communication problems that can easily transform a simple problem into a vast one.

People are by nature very social and communicative, and we all need another "similar creature", a fellow human with similar mentality and intelligence, in order for us to more effectively communicate in such forms as mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. This is especially true when referring to "Soul Mates".

Even if you do not desire to forgive others for all/or a specific situation, on what they have done to you, and to probably make peace with them, while as well consequently to diminish their latent/suppressed guilty feelings so to appease their own inner conscience… then try to forgive them even if only for your own emotional and spiritual sake, for what you can do to yourself if you allow hatred to flourish, can become very dreadful, painful and destructive at the long run.

Many years ago, a very wise person has said: "We should not dislike the sinner, but only its sins."

Forgiveness and Hatred - Choices we make and the consequences within our inner spirituality:

Whatever actions we and other people execute, whatever consequences happen, one thing we surely cannot do, is to embrace and keep "breeding" negative feelings and judgements inside our soul and hearth. This is always mainly destructive, either for others as we may act upon revenges, or for ourselves, since those negative emotions with time will have an extraordinarily negative downside that will slowly and in a self-destructive mode, change our own core emotions, feelings, and "System of Beliefs".

Thus, meaning that we may change radically from the original personality we once were, with the high risk of becoming something else far worse. This way we would not be doing a spiritual/personality enlightenment and maturity, as it should be, but a spiritual and personality annihilation of ourselves.

The only way to prevent this, is for us to analyse in numerous forms, those factors that torment us, and to be able to at minimum, reach a certain degree of awareness and understanding of the whole situation, or at least to specific parts of it, so that way and with time while seeking our own wisdom, we can be able to forgive other people actions, and by doing so, to put our spirit in reconciliation and harmony with ourselves. This is the way to eliminate negative emotions, especially hatred. One of the best ways to achieve such honourable objectives is to use communication, either between ourselves and for others.

Communication - The crucial component for success in interpersonal relationships:

Communication, when done in correct ways, is in fact a very critical feature that can transcend frontiers and perform miracles. Communication is extremely important and useful for the right development of the Human Race and individual people, for without it, it would be completely impossible for us, as a Human Race and individuals, to have done what we did, to reach what we have reached, and to have ourselves to build a more mature and wise spiritual self. All of these is also valid in the aspects of scientifical, cultural, economical and social levels.

However there are other crucial aspects I will especially refer in this article that is also the fundamental point, our inner communication, the one we do to ourselves, and as well the forms on how we communicate with others. For now, we will have to start from the first topic, since only them we can move to the second one.

Before we can communicate with others in interpersonal relationships, while doing so by the most righteous ways, we are obliged to do it first within our own soul, because if we fail to do so and do not start in such way, we risk on to easily make mistakes, and giving the strong possibility of showing many wrong impressions of us that is not really part of the real us, hence failing to communicate with others and provoking hostilities, by failing to rightly send the correct meaning/intention of the message we wish to send/share. Keeping negative emotions and the lack of patience and respect for others is most of the times the cause of these situations.

Soul, the Spirit within - Listening and communicating with ourselves:

How to listen to ourselves? This is a rather complex question, and each case varies from person to person, so in a certain way it is for each one to find its own answer and solutions. What I can say are just a few clues on how you can be guided to be able to achieve and reach a certain degree of knowledge, awareness, and consequently wisdom and understanding of yourself. If you succeed to do this, you have already won most of the spiritual and social battles you face everyday in your life.

So how do you start to learn to communicate and to listen to yourself, your inner emotions and thoughts? You will firstly have to start by using meditation, and it is very important for you to know how to do such, so you are able to reach certain parts of your psyche that in other ways would rather be extremely difficult or even impossible to reach. I don't merely speak about "simplified" thoughts or wishes that you are feeling every minute, every second of your conscientious and unconscious existence, but to do a very important research of yourself to try to uncover your deepest feelings and thoughts inside your hearth and your soul.

Meditation can come in many ways and in many forms, some of them are very complex and too deep to be analysed here, some are even dangerous if incorrectly performed. For better knowledge on other forms of meditation, I advice for you to consult an expert on such issue.

Reaching deeper levels of conscience and awareness - One easy form of meditation:

For this article I will only describe the most simple and easy method of meditation:

• Stay inside a very calm place, like your bedroom for example. Put the room somewhat darker with soft lights (such as candles for example). Try to eradicate or reduce all possible sources of noises around you, and then sit on the bed, sofa or on the floor of your room by putting yourself in a comfortable position (yoga style for example). Now close your eyes and try to focus your full attention on rhythmic "events" such as your hearth beep or the sound of analogical clocks, or by even imagining a candle light in your mind.
  Now you must try to focus on "the thing" that worries you and that you wish to directly or indirectly explore. If when you try to perform this task you start to divert your mind and soul into other thoughts and issues about your or other people life, either painful or pleasant issues, then do not allow anxiety to take control of you and do not try to fight back those thoughts/emotions, but to rather allow them to flow trough your mind and soul until they disappear on their own. The harder you fight them the worse it will be for you and it will make it impossible for you to finally finish your meditation with success.
  As a final note, I will have to say that, you can also perform this type of meditation using another method, to not to try to meditate about a certain issue, but simply to try to "completely clear" your mind of any thoughts and emotions. This is also very advisable to do and helps you to feel spiritually better.

This is not easy to do at the first times, but try to practise this method everyday, in the quietest time of the day and when you feel calm and good about yourself. Start to firstly to do this with the time of 10 minutes, and gradually increase it into 30 minutes, or even 60 minutes after a few weeks. The success of these operations depends sonly on your motivation, wisdom and capabilities.

After this type of mental and spiritual exercises, you probably have reached some of the answers or goals you were seeking, and hence, you are more prepared to face the "real" problems you are dealing at the present time. Since what we are talking about here is the capacity of forgiveness, it is obvious that what you are to deal with is the capacity to forgive someone for what they have done to you (or others), and/or also for you to recognize your own mistakes and to be humble, courageous and wise enough to also ask for forgiveness for your own errors.

Love versus Hatred - Hurting the ones we love the most:

This may seem as an enormous paradox, but sometimes the people we hurt the most (either on purpose or not) can as well be the ones we love the most. It seems that when we take someone for granted, we in a unconscious way, may drop some of our anger and frustrations upon those people, assuming that we will automatically be forgiven no matter what, due to the strength of the connection between both people involved. But this is a very tricky situation that with time can lead into unbearable social and interpersonal ruptures, when the threshold is passed and consequently the point of saturation is reached. It is imperative to act rationally, conscious and to try to control our negative emotions, the pain and anger most especially, so we do not hurt others and to not loose love ones.

Sometimes, the power of the words can be worse than the power of "stones". As it was once said: "The pen is mightier than the sword".

It is imperative for us to be able to control ourselves and to respect all people as much as possible, most especially the ones we care the most. We cannot allow our temperament, frustrations, anguish and consequently un unconscious actions to be taken upon the ones we love the most, even if we later ask for forgiveness and are forgiven, for those actions can severely damage a relationship throughout time.

The power of Forgiveness - Healing yourself and healing others:

Lets imagine that someone has hurt you very deeply, no matter what the motives were, but especially when that someone does it totally unfairly due to some sort of abnormal, irrational and/or even manipulative circumstances (which can many times come from some evil and selfish people that seem to enjoy destroying other people's relationships), has judged you very wrongly, and that based on those wrong assumptions and wrong judgements, has wounded you in your most profound psyche… Then, later on, after undergoing throughout such painful experiences, we can ask ourselves: "What now, what shall I do? Should I forgive and to continue to follow my Beliefs, or should I hate that person for the pain that he/she have made me to endure?"

Unfortunately, for most people the answer is unbelievably simple, plain of emotions and straightforward… to reply our own suffering and anguish with mutual and equal hate and pain. But is this the right answer, either for yourself or the other person (or people) involved? The most obvious and wise answer is a redundant and very loud NO. This is clearly the worst possible approach that you could ever do, the most awful, shallow, selfish and superficial "solution" for your own suffering. Instead of solving a problem, this will only create much more problems and even taking them to much higher levels of mutual hatred, pain and self-destruction, and it is important to refer and emphasize that this is also important for both sides of the question.

No matter how much you have been hurt and hit deeply in your soul, using hatred and other negative emotions are always, but always, the wrong answer(s) for your problem(s). You will have to learn to forgive others, only this way you will improve both situations and your own interpersonal relationships and connections, no matter how much lack of hope is not present.

If you show to be above hatred, that you do not use the same appalling tactics as the ones who hurt you, that you are able to forgive those people who are/were very mean to you and/or others, and to try to show some "compassion" and "understanding" for their own situation and reasons to why they have done what they have done, then the person who made the mistakes may with time and evidences of your "love", finally have enough insight to see and realise that what they have done was completely wrong, they will see their wrong doing and thus, possibly to try to change the situation(s) and themselves.

Understand that hatred only leads to more hatred. If you do not understand this, then you will never be able to move forward into having a more enlightened spirit.

Even if no matter how honourable you act, the other person won't see their mistakes and change even when you try to forgive them, then nonetheless forgive them not for their own sake, but for yours, since if you do not let go of the sorrow, pain and possible hatred, those destructive emotions will turn against its "creator" and consequently will self destroy you. Forgive those people even if only for your own sake, so that way a new fresh breeze will lift your spirit and make it soar higher on the firmament, for you have healed yourself.

However, when you forgive someone, you must be sure that that is really the way you feel, and to not say it just by saying it, for that way you will be building an illusion on yourself and you wont be able to move into the healing process.

After such situations harsh situations in your interpersonal relationships, rebuilding your life and especially regaining trust on people may seem hard to achieve, but it is something you have to do in order to not despair and to be able to continue to fulfil your life and your dreams. Never give up, and always keep the hope, for it is the last thing to die.

Life and Spirituality - Moving forward to rebuild yourself, your life, and your relationships:

After we have gone trough such ordeals and anguishes in life, which mostly may have been caused by other people, it is time to heal our wounds, to forgive and forget, and to move on with our life. We may and should always and only remember the good things of the past that other people have provided us along our life (even if later that person has hurt us), but it is crucial to put aside the bad memories, so they will not hunt our thoughts anymore. But for that to be possible, always try to forgive other people mistakes no matter how gigantic they are (especially in those cases).

It is also advisable and important for you to try to rebuild the old relationship you had with that person you have just forgiven, since it is a very healthy and honourable thing to do for both involved. Even if you try this, it is obviously achievable that the relationship will possibly "never" be the same and as healthy as it was before, but put in mind that the opposite is also possible, for miracles happen, since we can make them happen if we work hard for it using our truthful friendship and love. At least, and at minimum, forgive and become friends.

How to trust again?! Sometimes in our life, some people may have betrayed us in several forms and in such terrible ways, and completely destroyed our ability to feel, and to trust people, and consequently our ability to build new, or improved relationships. After we have been betrayed by other(s), this is a natural way to feel, since we will automatically build a "shield" to protect ourselves and we will be much more suspicious of other people intentions. However, it is imperative that we destroy these feelings, for if we fail to do so, we will not as easily make new or improved relationships. Realise that the betrayals and anguishes that someone else has brought on you, was done by that person only, and not "everyone else" around you.

In our lifetime, we will eventually meet all type of people, since the honourable and truthful ones, until the dishonest and deceitful ones. These are people who pretend to be something they are not, using trickery as lying and showing personality features that are not their real ones, to be able to easily trick other people and to achieve their own selfish interests. The evil actions of this type of individuals can bring much pain into others peoples life.

When we try to build new relationships/friendships, we will risk ourselves to meet and take these people into our lives, and we will surely hurt due to that. But, if we choose to build a "defense shield" and to "close" our heart to avoid this, we will loose much more, for we will never be able to meet those special people that can be a part of our life, and enrich us so much.

We have to learn to take the good with the bad, to learn to keep the good memories and surpass the bad ones, to love the ones that love us, to forgive and to love the ones that harm us, and to take the best of life and of the good things we have.

"Carpe Diem".

Forgiveness - Its roots and how to achieve it:

Truthful and honest Forgiveness has its origins from the pure unconditional love, which is the most powerful feeling in the Universe, and should be the main driving force of our whole life.

To achieve unconditional Love, you must love unconditionally, freely, without restrictions and any type of self-interests. This is the hardest spiritual goal we can wish to reach, but it is the most important one, that we all need to reach so we can do a serious spiritual and physical change in ourselves, and our world.

For you to achieve this goal, you will require to create a very mature and wise spiritual self, which can only be obtained with time, patience, learning, and from the choices we make in a daily basis, since those choices reflect the inner wisdom we already possess.

Once you have enough spiritual wisdom to achieve true unconditional love, you have achieved it all, for you require nothing more, nothing less.

"To err is to be Human, to forgive is to be divine."

By Paulo (Year 2004)